Emo Blog!

Hooray! I promise this will be the only one.
I just feel like I've lost everything and it's all my fault. So I just wanna get this out there, off my chest so I can start being the positive person that I know I am most of the time.

My uni work: My own fault because I barely went to lectures and I'm a whole other level of pragmatic when it comes to concentrating on an essay. I rely on my intelligence which, not meaning to brag, I have and am hopefully gonna come out of my degree with a 2:1. I know I could have got a First.

My health: I don't know that this is my fault so much but my mental and physical health has been spiralling for the last few years. I can feel it happening and I don't know what to do to stop it. I might get a tattoo which says MAN UP or CARPE DIEM or similar. It might help.

My love life: Yeah, you knew this was coming. This is completely my fault and it's all come crashing down around me. Surprisingly, our break up was incredibly genial and I know that after all the silly post-breakup awkwardness he and I will be good friends again. I can definitely do that. But right now I just wish I hadn't screwed it all up so badly.

Death of someone close: I was, by his own secret admission, my grandad's favourite grandchild. I act like him, my aptitude for academia is from 'his genes' according to him (another reason I feel so awful for not trying my best at university) and I didn't realise it until the funeral how much I miss him. I was meant to read the eulogy and thought I was going to be fine, but then SO MANY PEOPLE started turning up. My grandad had so many friends who all travelled so far to pay their respects I basically broke down and Mum had to take me outside to calm down. My Mum also ended up reading the eulogy and had a really hard time of it which made me feel so guilty and weak. I love you so much, Grandad. I miss you more than anything.

My organisational skills: are PISS POOR. I have NO money, NO idea what I'm doing next year. Not even sure if I can stay in Cardiff now, which I've no idea how I'm gonna break that to Katt. I have no job applications in, no post-grad applications in, nowhere to live.

I'm sat here crying while I type this and I just don't know which aspect of my life to turn to first. It's all a bit screwed up, and it's all my fault. HALP?