This is not a review, as such, more a rambling stream of consciousness, most of which will make very little sense to most reading it. Sorry about that.
Also, please note that my screenshots are douchey because they're from my iPad and are not authorised by the BBC but all images are copyright to the BBC and Starz and blahblahlblahlhlag
I'm sure I'm not the only person to say that I was a little bit worried about what state Torchwood would return to our screens in after the deal with Starz. Children of Earth was, in my opinion, one of the greatest, most chilling, mini-series I'd ever seen, so when this time last year Starz, BBC Wales and BBC Worldwide announced a ten episode mini-series from Torchwood I was anxious to see if Children of Earth could be topped.
So far, I am not convinced.
This is probably due to the writing credit of the first episode: Russell T. Davies.
Yes, sure, we all owe him a little something something for rebooting Doctor Who to its mainstream status and for *creating* Torchwood, but his scriptwriting is badly-paced and oftentimes ridiculous to the point of annoying. However, I'm not going to let that ruin my watching of this episode too much as I know later in the series Jane Espenson has written (and co-written) some episodes. Torchwood is in wonderful hands there.
The first episode of Miracle Day opens with a news report from Montrose Hill State Penitentiary about the death sentence of Oswald Danes, played by Bill Pullman (the best thing about Miracle Day so far, might I add).
For some reason the shots of the Neve-Campbell-lookalike-reporter's face go really close and flail about by her mouth a bit, as if the audience are supposed to feel like an annoying fly. Or maybe it's meant to bring us 'closer' to the news. Who knows? I thought it was a little bit silly.
We see a shot of Oswald Danes awaiting his execution and he is terrifying. Bill Pullman is far from the friendly guy I loved in While You Were Sleeping; he's in character as a paedophile rapist murderer, or as close to that mentality as it's legal for actors to get (let's never let Christian Bale play a role like that please?)
Next we have more sweepy camera shots in the execution room with a slight haze around the edges, presumably to make us feel all drugged up like Oswald Danes is. Cheers, Starz, for that attempt to make me feel like a paedophile rapist murderer about to be executed, always wondered what that was like.
The first notion of 'Miracle Day' we get is when Oswald is given his lethal injection. He appears, at first, to be going into the drug-induced coma before execution but then begins thrashing around and choking.
WHY WON'T HE DIE? Oh, right, yeah.
Next up we see the mouth (and then the face) of Esther Drummond, played by Alexa Havins. She's asking CIA Agent Rex Matheson, played by Mehki Phifer, if he's heard of Torchwood but all he seems interested in is driving fast and talking gleefully about his friend's wife's leaukemia. He's happy because he might get a promotion due to the fatal illness of a work colleague's spouse. Hnh. Not that likeable a character to begin with, if I'm being honest. Poor Steve. Let's hope something bad happens to Rex, eh?
Us die-hard Torchwood fans are then treated to a dabbling of comedy as the silly old Americans don't understand: "No, no, it's not 'touch wood', it's 'TORCHwood'". Ho, ho, ho. Then Torchwood is explained for the new watchers. I feel sorry for the new watchers.
Rex makes it clear that he doesn't give a crap about Torchwood and asks Esther to get a 'timeline' on Steve's wife's illness. What a douche. Please let something bad happen to him.
WOO! There we go. He's dead, right? RIGHT?
After a short re-introduction of the incredible Eve Myles as Gwen (and her husband Rhys) we see the titles, which I really like.
Then we see Rex being rushed into hospital. WE THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD. WHAT IS GOING ON?
'He's the second one tonight. DOAs that just won't die!'
The following sequence SCREAMS "RUSSELL T. DAVIES WROTE ME! RUSSELL T. DAVIES WROTE ME!" But hey, it's got Eve Myles in it, so I don't care too much about that. It's all a little silly bit of a filler about how Gwen, Rhys and their newborn baby Anwen (gorgeous name) went into hiding somewhere remote in Wales (basically anywhere in Wales north of Caerphilly). But how can we be sure that it's actually in Wales?
Oh. Never mind, then.
YES. FINE. THE SHEEP WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH.
After this we learn more about how unpopular Rex Matheson is when nobody except his colleague visits him at the hospital. Esther and Dr. Vera Juarez have a very repetitive conversation which basically says that nobody in the world has died in the past 24 hours. What follows is more stupid fake news reporting with the weird flail-near-the-mouth-to-emphasise-the-words 'technique'.
"They're calling it 'Miracle Day'."
"'Miracle Day'"
"'Miracle Day'"
"'Miracle Day!'"
"'MIRACLE DAY!!!'"
Lol, they done said the name of the show. Hur hur.
Next up is a little ridiculous sequence which aims to explain why Oswald Danes didn't die. The guy from the governer's office is a southern hick and I spent the entire scene hoping he would suddenly scream 'WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU?!' He didn't, though.
Oswald Danes (with some help from his lawyers (who must hate themselves oh SO much)) then bitchslaps Brokeback Representative with the fact that his sentence was carried out so technically, TECHNICALLY, he's a free man. Ohshit.
Bill Pullman delivers his lines in a slurred, breathless and almost hypnotic fashion which is haunting and mesmerising all at once. He's definitely the best thing about this episode.
Next bit is kinda boring. Just about how nobody's paying attention to Torchwood anymore and isn't that a bit strange, don't you think? Well? Don't you? Holy mother of Odin though, look at how creased her skirt is. Ridiculous.
We witness the Grinch- sorry, Rex's heart grow three sizes as he watches reports of 'miracles' on the telly.
I'm kinda warming to him now, aren't you? I think we're supposed to be :)
At this point, nearly a third of the way through the episode, I have to admit I was pining for my Barrowman a little bit. Seriously, losing interest here. This is typical Russell T. Davies; dragging out what is obvious to intelligent viewers so that everyone else can catch up. People aren't dying even though they should be. And they're only just starting to raise the problems which might come from this: Walking corpses, loss of space in hospitals, booming population, mis-executed paedophiles on the loose. Dear, oh dear.
Back to Wales now, where Gwen, Rhys and Anwen are busy being Welsh. Gwen gets a phonecall on her special hidden mobile phone which no one's meant to know the number to. I got excited at this point because I recognised a road in Cardiff:
This scene draws Gwen into the action as we find out her father is in the hospital. (It's okay, Gwen. He won't die). Finally, the episode can start to pick up.
Meanwhile, Esther is doing some investigating into Torchwood. She finds the '456' file, at which point I break down - "OH, GOD. IANTOOOOO. WHY? WHY, IANTO?!"
I quickly recover though, because LOOK WHO'S HERE.
YAY!!
Following this is some general Captain Jack Harkness kickassery where he shoots a bad guy who's strapped to a bunch of explosives and runs around being awesome.
See? Awesome.
Oh. Now he's wet. Awesome. Just, awesome.
People want Jack dead on the very day that no one can die. Intriguing and upsetting.
Here Esther acts on behalf of the unknowing audience (another Russell T. Davies favourite technique) and asks pressing questions like 'What is Torchwood?' 'Was that your father in that photo?' and 'Are you all right?'
She doesn't understand that Jack's hurt arm is veeery significant. Something strange is going down here; he's hurt when usually he doesn't get hurt and people aren't dying when they should be.
The Torchwood institute was set up by the British Royal Family in 1879 to defend the realm of Great Britain by investigating the unusual, the strange and the alien.
Jack admits that the email just saying "Torchwood" wasn't him. Now things are getting interesting. Was it from someone who means harm or not?
Haaha, he used RedCon on her. Can you say date rape?
Rex is angry, and getting INVOLVED.
Jack gets his FBI on with Dr. Vera.
And yep, under ^there^ is the 'reconstructed' living body of the man who we know exploded only minutes previously in the episode. This is all a bit too awesome now.
OH GOD YES. I love that Torchwood will go places that Doctor Who just CAN'T. Epic graphic win.
'He's not indestructible, just, not dying'
Jack awesomely suggests that they remove the head and see what happens. I like Jack.
So, Surgeon Barack Obama goes to do it.
GAH!!! He's still alive! Okay, Torchwood is back. That's freaky dude.
'Who could do this? Who's got the technology? Simple answer: No one on this Earth'.
Awwwwwww yeaaaaaaaaa. (I get very excited)
Miracle Day - The New World (Ep.1) Part 2 coming VERY SOON. Promise.
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