On the fields of Somerset, born and raised
In my tractor is where I spent most of my days
Ploughin' and preparin' my harvest was a lark
And doing some cow-tipping after it turned dark.
When a couple of guys, they might've been thiefs
Started makin' crop circles in amongst my sheafs
I ruined one barn dance and folk started tellin' tales
I said I'm going to study lit in a city in Wales
I whistled for my horse and when it came close
I saw someone had kindly shaved "M4" on its arse
If anything I could say that this might've been a myth
But I though "nah forget it, oh boyo! To the 'Diff!"
**Doodoo doo DOODOO doo dooo! Doodoo doo DOODOO doo doo!**
We. Reared. UP to student halls, where I would be living
I implored of lovely Dobbin "yo horse, stop shitting"
I looked at my bedroom in a wonder and haze,
I'm finally here. I'm the Queen of Cathays.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Saturday, 7 January 2012
Kyle's Ravenclaw Scarf
Quite a while ago I believe I promised my friend off of the Twitters, @iamspacebar a Harry Potter scarf and then I forgot about it. He kindly reminded me just before Christmas and, ignoring his pleas that he was kidding, I went ahead and big fat knitted one for him anyway.
His house is obviously Ravenclaw so I found this lovely super-chunky yarn by Patons. I picked the colours "Delphinium" and "Indigo" as they were cute hues of Ravenclaw blue. They can be purchased HERE. Because it was super chunky it knit up really quickly.
I just went for a simple scarf structure. I used 10mm needles, cast on 20 stitches and knit 25 rows in each colour before switching back and casting off when I nearly ran out of yarn. Simple!
Here are some photos of *me* wearing it, because I'm yet to send it up to bonny Scotland for Kyle...
This is an in-progress photo of me setting in the loose ends after the knitting with a crochet hook I had lying around.
And because I'm wholly uncapable of being completely serious about anything this is a little shot I like to call Dilophosaurus-Chic
Click HERE to view this work on my Ravelry.
His house is obviously Ravenclaw so I found this lovely super-chunky yarn by Patons. I picked the colours "Delphinium" and "Indigo" as they were cute hues of Ravenclaw blue. They can be purchased HERE. Because it was super chunky it knit up really quickly.
I just went for a simple scarf structure. I used 10mm needles, cast on 20 stitches and knit 25 rows in each colour before switching back and casting off when I nearly ran out of yarn. Simple!
Here are some photos of *me* wearing it, because I'm yet to send it up to bonny Scotland for Kyle...
This is an in-progress photo of me setting in the loose ends after the knitting with a crochet hook I had lying around.
And because I'm wholly uncapable of being completely serious about anything this is a little shot I like to call Dilophosaurus-Chic
Click HERE to view this work on my Ravelry.
Monday, 2 January 2012
Writer's Room
This is a blog post about that most spectacular of things: the Writer's Room.
No, not the BBC website (( CLICK HERE )) which you should check out if you *do* write as it's inspiring and awesome.
No, the bedroom/workspace of a young writer; older writers have got their shit together somewhat and can possibly afford two separate rooms for sleeping and work. Not us under the age of 55 though.
Behold! The bed, expertly made just how I like it! Sure, it has an overabundance of cushions, pillows and blankets and SURE I may HAVE to rearrange and pad about like a restless cat for half an hour before I settle at 5am each night... but this is where the magic happens. And by magic I mean reading sometimes. And sleeping. Mmmmmm.
Behold! My PC. Built by me so it doesn't work as well as a ready-made shop bought one. That's how I like it. This is where I do my research and writing. Well... when I say research I mean browsing Reddit, Tumblr and occasionally Wikipedia (for verification; that site is so correct ALL of the time). Aaaand by writing I mean browsing Reddit, Tumblr and occasionally Wikipedia for hours before writing half a page, getting tired and crawling the half a metre to bed. WITHOUT my feet having to touch the floor might I add? Chyeah.
Behold! (Okay, I'll stop with the beholding) My bookshelf. Stocked to the brim with my assortment of books. Get this, only those which I have purchased in 2011 are here (and one or two already in 2012). I will blog on this minor, MINOR obsession at a later date. But yeah, man I love books. There's also a complete boxset of The Wire sitting there. Ignore that. And the knitting. That's not where that goes.
These are the storage areas of my room. Above the gas meter cupboard, behind my desk and under my bed. As you can see everything is neatly stacked and labelled to make it really easy for me when I want to find something and/or move house. Proud of these.
This is my DVD/Xbox game collection. At one point it was all categorised and alphabetised but then I wanted it to be colour-coded, lost heart IMMEDIATELY and this happened. The only semblance of intelligence in this set up is the Star Trek and Friends boxsets being used like bookends. Hooray!
My clothes, all washed nicely and hung away. I'm all neat and tidy with my clothes like that.
My dresser... I *think*. Look, it's called organised chaos. I know where everything is in my room! ...Unless it's in one of the storage areas. Don't ask about those, I get upset.
SHUT UP.
No, not the BBC website (( CLICK HERE )) which you should check out if you *do* write as it's inspiring and awesome.
No, the bedroom/workspace of a young writer; older writers have got their shit together somewhat and can possibly afford two separate rooms for sleeping and work. Not us under the age of 55 though.
Behold! The bed, expertly made just how I like it! Sure, it has an overabundance of cushions, pillows and blankets and SURE I may HAVE to rearrange and pad about like a restless cat for half an hour before I settle at 5am each night... but this is where the magic happens. And by magic I mean reading sometimes. And sleeping. Mmmmmm.
Behold! My PC. Built by me so it doesn't work as well as a ready-made shop bought one. That's how I like it. This is where I do my research and writing. Well... when I say research I mean browsing Reddit, Tumblr and occasionally Wikipedia (for verification; that site is so correct ALL of the time). Aaaand by writing I mean browsing Reddit, Tumblr and occasionally Wikipedia for hours before writing half a page, getting tired and crawling the half a metre to bed. WITHOUT my feet having to touch the floor might I add? Chyeah.
Behold! (Okay, I'll stop with the beholding) My bookshelf. Stocked to the brim with my assortment of books. Get this, only those which I have purchased in 2011 are here (and one or two already in 2012). I will blog on this minor, MINOR obsession at a later date. But yeah, man I love books. There's also a complete boxset of The Wire sitting there. Ignore that. And the knitting. That's not where that goes.
These are the storage areas of my room. Above the gas meter cupboard, behind my desk and under my bed. As you can see everything is neatly stacked and labelled to make it really easy for me when I want to find something and/or move house. Proud of these.
This is my DVD/Xbox game collection. At one point it was all categorised and alphabetised but then I wanted it to be colour-coded, lost heart IMMEDIATELY and this happened. The only semblance of intelligence in this set up is the Star Trek and Friends boxsets being used like bookends. Hooray!
My clothes, all washed nicely and hung away. I'm all neat and tidy with my clothes like that.
My dresser... I *think*. Look, it's called organised chaos. I know where everything is in my room! ...Unless it's in one of the storage areas. Don't ask about those, I get upset.
SHUT UP.
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Monday, 26 December 2011
My Favourite Comedy Sketches
5. Upper Class Twit of the Year
The thing that gets me in this sketch is that the cheering crowd is mostly made up of cardboard cut-outs of donkeys.
4. Mastermind
The epitome of the two Ronnies' fantastic wordplay.
3. Two Soups
Julie Walters is such a genius comedy actress; team this with Victoria Wood's genius comedy writing and what results is one of the funniest sketches ever.
2. Breakfast
Classic. It's the timing of it.
1. LOTR spoof
There are no words to describe how much I love this.
The thing that gets me in this sketch is that the cheering crowd is mostly made up of cardboard cut-outs of donkeys.
4. Mastermind
The epitome of the two Ronnies' fantastic wordplay.
3. Two Soups
Julie Walters is such a genius comedy actress; team this with Victoria Wood's genius comedy writing and what results is one of the funniest sketches ever.
2. Breakfast
Classic. It's the timing of it.
1. LOTR spoof
There are no words to describe how much I love this.
Friday, 23 December 2011
Christmas Recipe
Ingredients:
- 1 packet butterscotch Angel Delight
- 200ml milk
- 100ml Baileys
Instructions:
- Mix
- Whisk
- Wait 5 minutes (whilst drinking Baileys on ice)
- Eat
- Repeat
- 1 packet butterscotch Angel Delight
- 200ml milk
- 100ml Baileys
Instructions:
- Mix
- Whisk
- Wait 5 minutes (whilst drinking Baileys on ice)
- Eat
- Repeat
Sunday, 11 September 2011
'Below The Deck' Comedy Night Review: 9/9/11
Having spent the majority of Friday expelling the contents of my stomach into my bin an invitation from a jocular pal to come laugh at him was an opportunity I was in no position to turn down. Upon arriving at The Deck Coffee Shop on Harrowby Street in Cardiff Bay I found myself surprised I hadn’t been here before. The venue is small but has already established itself a quirky little style and, although beers were fairly expensive, me and my weak stomach were pleased at the 85p cokes on sale upstairs.
After a few lovey-chats between the all-male acts and the friendly event-organiser Leroy Brito, we made our way down a small wooden staircase into the basement room, paying the £3 entry fee to Leroy’s lovely girlfriend on the way. I settled myself on the front row; I have a hideously loud coven-cackle and can you imagine having me sat behind you on a comedy night? Hellish.
The compére for the evening was the deadpan boy wonder Patrick Harries. I felt he made a decent compére for his improv skills and fairly witty banter with the audience. After a while I found the compéring to be a tad repetitive and that Harries used all his original material in the introduction to the first act – a mildly humourous bit about working in John Lewis and being stoned. From then on it was a little bit all-filler-no-killer as Harries repeatedly instructed members of the audience to clap and whoop for the acts and engaged in an altercation with the Coffee Shop owner which lasted almost too long for comfort. Luckily, Harries managed to reel it back in shortly before it would have become quite awkward.
Still, never mind that, the first act onto the stage was Simon Emanuel and, this not being my first experience of Emanuel, I knew what we were in for. I was not wrong; Emanuel’s comedy style is fast-paced, ADHD-fuelled, manic and quite simply brilliant. The content is a little predictable by appearance but it hardly matters. I do find it slightly strange that Simon Emanuel has not yet been signed as the sheer volume of gigs he has performed and hard work and energy which goes into each and every performance he certainly deserves to have been.
The chilled performing style of second act Jimmy Berrigan led me to think that not a huge amount of thought was put into the performance ordering. I’ll have to admit that I automatically felt sorry for Berrigan at having to follow Emanuel, purely because his style was so incredibly different. However I liked this guy, I liked his relaxed style. He didn’t fawn over nor did he pander to the audience and was unthreatened if there was no laughter for several beats. Berrigan’s unfazeable demeanour was very endearing and a large section of great comedy about his two daughters drew the biggest laughs. Berrigan’s was a very enjoyable routine.
The final performer before the break was Jason Manly, a warm, experienced comedy gigger from Newport/Dorset who began with some self-depricating jokes which brought the audience immediately onto his side (he is neither a gay porn star nor an American cage fighter). A few of his jokes were classically cheesy which was great and Manly was, believe it or not, the first comedian of the night to talk directly to me when I was about 5 seconds slower than the rest of the room at getting a pun-based joke (I wasn’t WELL, okay?) Manly’s act relaxed the audience into the half-way break and was very enjoyable. I’d recommend catching his act if you ever get the chance.
The first act following the break was my good friend the AVERAGE-SIZED HUMAN BEING Drew Davies who began with some jokes about his height (he swears he’s tall enough to get on *all* of the rollercoasters). Davies had some new material which flowed excellently with his older pieces and I felt the set was paced very well with a mixture of anecdote, philosophy and general ‘wackiness’. A greater part of Davies’ set is a story about ex-girlfriends and I personally found it hilarious when he referred to my friend Cath as his ‘latest’ girlfriend before apologising profusely. This night only being Davies’ fifth live stand-up gig I feel like he is definitely beginning to hit his stride and simply needs to carry on with the same level of ease and confidence he has now developed with his sets.
Dan Hamilton was probably the act who appealed most directly to me on the night. As I was watching I found myself immersed in the psyche of someone heavily comparable to Sam Kinison, Bill Hicks and perhaps only in terms of energy, Rik Mayall. I know that’s a lot of things to suggest to have influenced him, but the mixture of it all was fantastic. I bloody loved it: simple as. Beginning with a short piece about misanthropy allowing him to judge the room Hamilton quickly settled into his shouty, sweaty, austere stride. I might have cried with laughter at a Hitler joke whilst other less... sick people amongst the audience groaned, to which Hamilton replied without missing a beat ‘Too soon?’ Admittedly, ripped directly from Jimmy Carr but this drew a larger laugh as we relaxed into his style a bit more. Hamilton ended with a song to which I related a little too hard and left me fighting for breath through laughter: wonderful stuff. I can highly recommend this guy.
The final act of the night was Geraint Dafydd Evans whose brand of accessible humour went down very well with the audience. I wouldn’t say that Evans was the ‘headline’ of the night as I’m pretty sure that’s not how these nights work but he did handle the most difficult position of the night exceptionally well. It was late and the audience were beginning to get tired (I was starting to feel a little squiffy again) and yet Evans kept us laughing constantly throughout his set. I particularly enjoyed a short bit about making up for being a small man from the Valleys by doing stupid things; cue Evans shoving up the sleeve of his t-shirt to reveal a cartoonish skull and crossbones tattoo: ‘I look like if Glee did a Pirates of the Caribbean special!’ A brilliant closer to a great night of comedy.
All together the night was a strangely-paced, Jew-joke filled, testosteroni-topped pizza and I digested it rather well. (Sorry)
LINKS
Deck Coffee Shop
Simon Emanuel
Jimmy Berrigan
Jason Manly
Drew Davies
Dan Hamilton
Geraint Evans
Patrick Harries
Below The Deck Comedy Club
After a few lovey-chats between the all-male acts and the friendly event-organiser Leroy Brito, we made our way down a small wooden staircase into the basement room, paying the £3 entry fee to Leroy’s lovely girlfriend on the way. I settled myself on the front row; I have a hideously loud coven-cackle and can you imagine having me sat behind you on a comedy night? Hellish.
The compére for the evening was the deadpan boy wonder Patrick Harries. I felt he made a decent compére for his improv skills and fairly witty banter with the audience. After a while I found the compéring to be a tad repetitive and that Harries used all his original material in the introduction to the first act – a mildly humourous bit about working in John Lewis and being stoned. From then on it was a little bit all-filler-no-killer as Harries repeatedly instructed members of the audience to clap and whoop for the acts and engaged in an altercation with the Coffee Shop owner which lasted almost too long for comfort. Luckily, Harries managed to reel it back in shortly before it would have become quite awkward.
Still, never mind that, the first act onto the stage was Simon Emanuel and, this not being my first experience of Emanuel, I knew what we were in for. I was not wrong; Emanuel’s comedy style is fast-paced, ADHD-fuelled, manic and quite simply brilliant. The content is a little predictable by appearance but it hardly matters. I do find it slightly strange that Simon Emanuel has not yet been signed as the sheer volume of gigs he has performed and hard work and energy which goes into each and every performance he certainly deserves to have been.
The chilled performing style of second act Jimmy Berrigan led me to think that not a huge amount of thought was put into the performance ordering. I’ll have to admit that I automatically felt sorry for Berrigan at having to follow Emanuel, purely because his style was so incredibly different. However I liked this guy, I liked his relaxed style. He didn’t fawn over nor did he pander to the audience and was unthreatened if there was no laughter for several beats. Berrigan’s unfazeable demeanour was very endearing and a large section of great comedy about his two daughters drew the biggest laughs. Berrigan’s was a very enjoyable routine.
The final performer before the break was Jason Manly, a warm, experienced comedy gigger from Newport/Dorset who began with some self-depricating jokes which brought the audience immediately onto his side (he is neither a gay porn star nor an American cage fighter). A few of his jokes were classically cheesy which was great and Manly was, believe it or not, the first comedian of the night to talk directly to me when I was about 5 seconds slower than the rest of the room at getting a pun-based joke (I wasn’t WELL, okay?) Manly’s act relaxed the audience into the half-way break and was very enjoyable. I’d recommend catching his act if you ever get the chance.
The first act following the break was my good friend the AVERAGE-SIZED HUMAN BEING Drew Davies who began with some jokes about his height (he swears he’s tall enough to get on *all* of the rollercoasters). Davies had some new material which flowed excellently with his older pieces and I felt the set was paced very well with a mixture of anecdote, philosophy and general ‘wackiness’. A greater part of Davies’ set is a story about ex-girlfriends and I personally found it hilarious when he referred to my friend Cath as his ‘latest’ girlfriend before apologising profusely. This night only being Davies’ fifth live stand-up gig I feel like he is definitely beginning to hit his stride and simply needs to carry on with the same level of ease and confidence he has now developed with his sets.
Dan Hamilton was probably the act who appealed most directly to me on the night. As I was watching I found myself immersed in the psyche of someone heavily comparable to Sam Kinison, Bill Hicks and perhaps only in terms of energy, Rik Mayall. I know that’s a lot of things to suggest to have influenced him, but the mixture of it all was fantastic. I bloody loved it: simple as. Beginning with a short piece about misanthropy allowing him to judge the room Hamilton quickly settled into his shouty, sweaty, austere stride. I might have cried with laughter at a Hitler joke whilst other less... sick people amongst the audience groaned, to which Hamilton replied without missing a beat ‘Too soon?’ Admittedly, ripped directly from Jimmy Carr but this drew a larger laugh as we relaxed into his style a bit more. Hamilton ended with a song to which I related a little too hard and left me fighting for breath through laughter: wonderful stuff. I can highly recommend this guy.
The final act of the night was Geraint Dafydd Evans whose brand of accessible humour went down very well with the audience. I wouldn’t say that Evans was the ‘headline’ of the night as I’m pretty sure that’s not how these nights work but he did handle the most difficult position of the night exceptionally well. It was late and the audience were beginning to get tired (I was starting to feel a little squiffy again) and yet Evans kept us laughing constantly throughout his set. I particularly enjoyed a short bit about making up for being a small man from the Valleys by doing stupid things; cue Evans shoving up the sleeve of his t-shirt to reveal a cartoonish skull and crossbones tattoo: ‘I look like if Glee did a Pirates of the Caribbean special!’ A brilliant closer to a great night of comedy.
All together the night was a strangely-paced, Jew-joke filled, testosteroni-topped pizza and I digested it rather well. (Sorry)
LINKS
Deck Coffee Shop
Simon Emanuel
Jimmy Berrigan
Jason Manly
Drew Davies
Dan Hamilton
Geraint Evans
Patrick Harries
Below The Deck Comedy Club
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